GRADED: District Connect

Today we're reviewing DC weed delivery service District Connect! I needed a delivery ASAP to even me out after drinking too much coffee, again, over a long Labor Day weekend in the basement working on my latest project. Which is certainly not flesh-crafting human beings into walruses, if that's what you're thinking, ahaha. I know, I know, this old house shrieks in existential horror sometimes, isn't it the damndest thing? Oh, this bone saw? I was using it for...painting. Yes. It's quite adequate for...painting. Since you're so fond of questions, may I ask, what your flipper size is? Oh, well if you must be going, we'll get right to our review of District Connect and get you on your way.

district connect logo

Shopping at District Connect

My experience with District Connect went swell! I pulled up the their menu and was pleased to see a broad variety of flower products—3+ pages to be exact. They carry all of the usual goodies as well, for those of you looking for edibles and extracts. Their flower gifts are categorized by three tiers of quality. Designer is the upper tier, followed by Top Shelf, then Premium. I sent my selections along with a polite text to the phone number listed at the top of their website and immediately received a reply with detailed instructions. I had to send a selfie holding my ID, a typical request these days, and provide an email address for an itemized receipt. FYI there is a $20 fee with all deliveries, but neither the website nor the text message mentioned a minimum sticker pack purchase.

Once I had submitted my order, I got another immediate reply letting me know it was being processed, followed shortly afterward by another telling me that my delivery would arrive between 2:45-3:15 PM. For reference, I placed the order at 12:30 PM—so a pretty typical wait time. Impressively, the driver arrived at the location I had provided on my order at 2:45 PM ON. THE. DOT. He was also very professional and courteous. The driver passed me a small brown lunch bag with both of my super cool District Connect stickers and free flower gifts. I'm particularly fond of the spliff-smoking astronaut. Overall, I was very impressed with how smoothly my delivery from District Connect went. This service is truly a well-oiled weed machine.

Graded: French Toast

District Connect's French Toast flower gift came from their mid-tier Top Shelf menu, described there as a “slightly indica dominant strain (60% indica/40% sativa) suited for a lazy day at home when you don’t have much of anything to do." Taking no time to crack into the bag, I was met by a swirl of pleasant aromas, lavender-dominant and attended by a mix of earthy and skunk tones. The bag primarily consisted of three nuggets, each built like a Fraser fir- long, conical, and dense. French Toast was decent smoke, causing a light cough on every other exhale. Fitting of its name, it actually has a faint, sweet pastry taste. It's something like its namesake, but I keep thinking of Hostess “Crunch”-flavored coconut Donettes. You get a hint of the same earthiness that greets you on opening the bag when smoking it, too.

district connect french toast weed photo
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district connect french toast graded table

OVERALL GPA: 2.8/4.0

The first hit of District Connect's French Toast flower caught me by surprise—that old wob-wob-wob I haven’t gotten in what seems like ages palpitated from the top of my head downward in widening rings through my body. I was quickly flush with a strong sense of well-being and euphoria. Would I become trapped in an inescapable state of profound and unending bliss, like Sasha Shulgin dosed up on one of his wild, shed-cooked chemical concoctions? Such considerations arose in a brief moment of paranoia, but soon I settled into the groove. Productivity resumed throughout the afternoon, even into the deep drawer of neglected projects, at a much more even-keeled pace.

French Toast worked well to take the edge off of a caffeine-heavy day without leaving me couch-locked. My head remained clear and I could enjoy creative tasks like writing up this review, yet no longer felt on the verge of cardiac arrest. Speaking of! I haven't heard any screams for the last few minutes, so I should get back to the basement and check on my...floorboards. We're in a very delicate phase of the floorboards right now, you understand, so don't let me detain you!