It’s beginning to look like we’ve escaped the cruel hand of Pestilence after all. I’m relieved, cuz Pandemic Apocalypse is one of the most boring heat-deaths you can draw. It’d have been better to pick a fight with the UFOs the government are suddenly admitting exist. Think about it! All we gotta do, right, is send Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum at ’em while Randy Quaid achieves full rectal penetration of their mothership, then we steal their future-tech and terrorize the galaxy as space pirates. SPACE PIRATES! But normalcy is reasserting itself, which means the Gentleman is getting back to work checking out DC’s I71 weed-gifting storefronts. Case in point, I visited No Kids Allowed in Eastern Market this week!
What impressed me most about No Kids Allowed was how much it felt like licensed dispensaries I’ve visited elsewhere. The ample lobby space offers plenty of comfortable seating from which you can admire the art on the walls and slickly branded apparel while you wait to be called back. The shop room is similarly spacious, with a pair of professional, wooden display cabinets full of THC gifts to choose from, while glassware, smoking accessories, and CBD products adorn the shelves. I was totally blown away to see the work of DC’s most iconic and prolific muralist, Aniekan Udofia, gracing TWO of their shop room walls. Count the Gentleman a fan!
I picked up a sample of No Kids Allowed’s house strain, Jet Fuel, to review, along with a pack of their Leaf Ninja pre-rolls. I can heartily recommend both. The Leaf Ninja pre-rolls are actually slow-burning Futurola mini-blunt cones. The weed these are stuffed with is indeed high quality and free of any noticeable defect, but the blunt paper is a lot heavier than the RAW paper to which I’m accustomed to, so I couldn’t finish one in a single session. Leaf Ninja’s packaging is top of the line. The slim, hard-case box features a magnetic cover, holds a glass tip and matches in the top cubby, and the seven pre-rolls are seated comfortably side-by-side in the main compartment. Plus, the art on both sides, an oni surrounded by dragons, is hella cool. Are we still saying hella? No? That’s hella lame, bruh.
As for the Jet Fuel, the 3.0 Graded Point Average it earned speaks for itself:
AROMA: 3 (Eucalyptus)
ESSENTIAL GRADES PASSED!
STRUCTURE: 2 (signs of compression)
OVERALL GRADE: 3.0 GPA
(Psst. Want to know more about how the grading system works? Clarissa explains the whole thing here!)
Not only have we pulled two excellent flower gifts here, but No Kids Allowed also has some edible brands that GT has previously approved for quality like MOTA and Baghead Boys. They’re conveniently located a block away from the Eastern Market metro station at 637 Pennsylvania Ave (Suite B) SE. The Gentleman highly recommends you pay them a visit! You can check them out online at nokidsallowed.club.