GRADED: Hawkesbay Hemp

Hawkesbay Hemp is a brand-new DC weed storefront in the quiet Northeast neighborhood of Brookland, over by Catholic University. They invited your Gentleman to check them out ahead of their Grand Opening and I was happy to oblige, naturally. What else am I gonna do with my time? I already binged Falcon & The Winter Soldier- fantastic, by the way. Cap is far from fave, but I loved how they wove in crazy-ass US Agent, embittered Isaiah Bradley, and of course, Baron Zemo's club bop. I could read a book, I guess, but I just listened to a podcast on NPR about the ransomware industry two weeks ago so I'm already smarter than everyone else, plus my farts have started to smell like juniper berries and lilac lately. Might as well grace the planet with those good vibes, yeah?

So What's the Shop Like?

Hawkesbay Hemp is the legit equivalent of a state-licensed dispensary. They've obviously taken their time and put some thought into the building, I love the green sign against that black facade. The lobby is spacious, the floors immaculate, and it's lit just well enough to properly examine their selection of THC and hemp flowers in their cases. That last bit is important to me. Look, I love the 90s as much as the next nostalgic analog-to-digital generation straddler. The Friends reunion show nearly brought me to tears. I even watch the Full House reboot willingly, but ok, mostly cuz Aunt Stephanie possesses the statuesque proportions of a goddess, dios mio. Can we get her some gigs that show a little more skin, Hollywood? It's like they're actively trying to keep her boobies from busting out on screen, and absolutely, gloriously failing. Hmm, I had a point around here somewhere, didn't I? Right, right. I don't want to feel like I'm buying weed in some weirdo's dark basement in 2021, that's so last century.

Hawkesbay even has a wide-screen digital menu above the counter, just like you'd find in an actual dispensary. They've got some work to do to fill those gorgeous walls with art, could use a chair or two to make it feel more comfy, but if those are the Gentleman's biggest gripes, you're doing extremely well. Taking into consideration how easy parking is around this shop, I feel very confident you're going to love visiting. Hawkesbay Hemp has a website, too, with promotions, hours (12pm-6pm everyday), and an integrated map to lead you to their shop at 3617 12th St NE.

hawkesbay menu

What's On the Menu?

On the classic THC side, Hawkesbay Hemp carries flower, edibles, and vapes, and dabs. I'd like to see more DC edible brand collaborations on their shelves. There is a multitude of talented edible artisans in this city that could provide them with a more local flavor, pun intended. Their cannabis gifts are complimented by a full range of CBD products, including hemp flower and concentrates, but not a wide selection of different brands like you might find in a typical CBD store. Which is fine, cuz Hawkesbay Hemp is primarily an I-71 weed-gifting storefront.

The menu is a notable omission on Hawkesbay's site. It'd be great if you could check out what they have in stock before you decide to visit. Of course, you could always reach out via their contact link or social media and ask.

GRADED: Hawkesbay's Zookies Flower

Hawkesbay Hemp's currently available Zookies flower is a tremendous find. It scores a 2.6 overall Gentleman's Point Average, but my sample of this strain knocked the all-important Essential categories out of the park with a perfect showing. All characteristics are measured from a low score of 0 and a high of 4.

zookies weed photo hawkesbay hemp

Cannabis Essentials

AROMA: 4 (sweet)
FLAVOR: 4 (skunky)
SMOKE: 4 (easy-breezy)

Cannabis Potency

TRICHOMES: 1 (tiny, around 25% coverage detectable with naked eye)
RESIN: 0 (none detected)
SEEDS: 4 (none found)

Cannabis Aesthetics

MANICURE: 4 (perfect trim)
STRUCTURE: 2 (a couple small buds and some popcorns)
MOISTURE: 3 (dry)
DENSITY: 0 (brick)

It's important to note that my Flower Grading System is built so that only the most perfectly grown cannabis can achieve the coveted 4.0. But do you know how rare it is for me to find bud that nets a perfect grade for every Essentials characteristic- the ones intended to find weed that's both safe and enjoyable to smoke? This is some blue moon weed right here, even if it is tough as a brick with a weak trichome game. That's why the Gentleman is streets ahead of the rest of the cannabis industry- I know the difference between cash and flash, darlin'.

This Zookies flower decidedly leans toward the sativa side of the spectrum. The buzz is not overwhelming, but complementary and grounded. It doesn't weigh my head down a bit, despite the blissful quiet that is being free from anxiety. It invigorates both the body and mind, making it an excellent choice for day-time productivity. My thoughts feels orderly, like giant, rectangular granite slabs domino-crashing into the next, and the next on down the line. Meanwhile, my body hasn't slowed. I'm knocking out chores one after another on this Zookies. You'll want to look elsewhere if you want help sleeping, but if you got a task list to tackle or some big, abstract brain work to do, this is the perfect flower for you. So what are you waiting for, Astroboy? Go get yourself some rocket juice while it's still available, cuz I can't imagine this one sticking around for long.

hawkesbay hemp logo
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