My father used to say that the only difference between a Democrat and a Republican politician was that the Democrat would wait for you to turn around first. Forget making it to the room, this Republican President-Elect has been trying to fingerblast us in front of the concierge the second we walked into the lobby. I guess that's OK because he's famous and his name's on the hotel. Oh, right. In case you missed the title of this piece, I'm going to be a Nasty Woman today. To be clear- the diapers of the marijuana industry are currently overflowing. You can not look at any news source without finding some fearful article about what the nomination of Alabama U.S. Senator Jeff Sessions means for cannabis policy reform. I usually stay out of stories that you could read every-damn-where else that aren't specific to DC, but this is one of those rare exceptions. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="275"] "This is the one that went in my butt. But not in a gay way. Gay is the Devil."[/caption] Two Tuesdays ago, when America aggressively grabbed my pussy in a furniture store (thank you Stephen Barber for that lovely analogy), I was determined not to lose heart with my idiot child, America, when I watched him climb into a windowless van with FREE CANDY BUILD A WALL spraypainted on the side. The kid is stupid and this happens every so often. You get used to it. Plus, I'm pretty sure the President is more figurehead than really in charge, which is also true of elected and appointed officials in general. Yes, different principles, talking points, soundbites, yadda yadda yadda, but at the end of the day- rich people don't go to jail, poor people do. Big Business gets what it wants, whether it's another war (Haliburton), a giant taxpayer-funded bailout (the American Auto and Banking industries), the inevitable demand that every human have an RFID chip implanted in their spine (Monsanto, probably), whatever, and the have-nots suffer the excesses of whichever direction their own masters lean as the world continues its merry march towards Oblivion. I think this is why people continue to vote for anybody that says they'll bring change. I read on Twitter that it was my white male privilege that allowed me to not feel threatened the minute Hillary Clinton conceded the race to Donald J. Trump. After Jeff Sessions was picked by that bright orange muppet to be United States Attorney General, I now share their concern. Forgive my lateness to the party. I trust there is some Misery Punch left? Extra tears in mine, please. I kept my mouth shut while the debate over whether Black Lives Matter or All Lives Matter raged on Facebook. For the record- I agree with that meme where the old guy holds the sign and says that yeah, duh, all lives matter in general but we're talking about the Black ones now because they're the ones that have to worry that a traffic stop is going to end with their death. That's tragic and needs to change. An end to the Drug War will ease some of these tensions between law enforcement and the people they are sworn to PROTECT. I also want to see a greater emphasis on developing non-lethal responses to threats and training officers to de-escalate conflict. Their job is to keep the peace. Enforcing the law is the means by which they accomplish their sacred public trust, not the end in itself, and so justice must necessarily be meted out equally to all citizens. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="600"]Ah, here it is. Ah, here it is.[/caption] Speaking of Big Business getting whatever it wants, I have said nothing about the Dakota Access Pipeline or the brave native peoples fighting to defend America's water supply from the oil industry and force our government to recognize the treaties it signed with them. My official GT position is that we have enough oil left for, what, another 50, 100 years? But we're going to need that water for a lot longer. Please don't put oil near the water, my dumb, stupid child. Don't try to argue that we already do this- less risk is better than more risk. Unless you've got some magic pipeline that doesn't catch on fire and leak? No? Well, why don't you geek out on that first, honey bunch? You can play with your awful friends later. I was quiet because I wanted to stay on message. Oh, my message. It seems so quaint now, only two weeks after Trump's election. I wanted the DC dispensaries to offer cheaper, better concentrate. As the price gap between the flower cost here and out West widened, I decided to argue for that, too. Sure, it was early in the game, but I figured that was the perfect time to get in and be heard. I wanted to make sure they knew they needed to do better before recreational sales rolled out, because I didn't want them to divide the cannabis community here into haves and have nots. When I went out to the Cannabis Cup in Denver a couple years ago, there was such an amazing vibe- weed was plentiful, weed was cheap, we could smoke it together in public, and the cops would cordon off the roads to see us safely to the session. I wanted that for DC, too, and more. Now I'm very worried about whether or not I'll be able to get my medicine in a year, and even a little worried about being locked up for writing a weed blog. The time has come to bury hatchets, mis amigos. We need to band together and prepare for the coming storm. We need allies among other causes, and we must be prepared to answer their call, as well. It seems to me that Trump's plan with his Cabinet is very similar to his rhetoric on the campaign trail- cram so much vitriol in that a culture suffering from attention-deficit disorder can't fixate on any one horrible thing, or person. Then, attack every Progressive position all at the same time so that we are overwhelmed trying to defend ourselves. The picks so far- Bannon, Flynn, and (Monty Burns shiver) Sessions make it clear that Make America Great Again means Roll Back the Clock on Women's Rights, Civil Rights, and any other progress made since the days when television was only two colors and four channels. It is definitely a statement that around half the country is fed up with political correctness. I gotta say, the stuff I've read about micro-agressions and whatnot sound like lunacy to me, too, but I'm down with calling people whatever they want to be called. Usually, I find that this happens to be their name. Protip for later, old sport. The safety, liberty, and future of cannabis users and patients, along with the momentum of the legalization movement, are all in jeopardy. Two weeks ago we were an unstoppable Juggernaut. Now all I hear is fear and panic, like our Midwestern, dance-restricting parents just pulled into the driveway while the kegger is still raging and our little brother is passed out with dicks drawn on his face. This is the part where I slap you in the face, Cannabis Legalization Movement, and tell you to get a hold of yourself. You are 28 states and one pissed-off District strong.  You're expected to ring up 6.9 BILLION dollars in sales this year alone. No industry is projected to take off like you over the next ten years (until virtual reality sex comes out, anyway). Fuck Jeff Sessions. Fuck President-Elect Donald J. Trump. Fuck ANYONE and EVERYONE who threatens the prosperity and public health that legalizing marijuana will create in our communities. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="4272"] "I told Jeff, AS FAR AS SHE CAN GO! No Homo."[/caption] And a special Fuck You goes out to the American corporate media machine. Blame Facebook all you want- it was you fucking shameless numbskulls that got this con-man elected by giving him all the free coverage anyone can want. You gave a platform for his demagoguery and xenophobia, condemned them along with his sexual assaults, but you ate it up like a pack of filthy, homeless dogs tearing into an unlocked dumpster outside a Waffle House. You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves for not blasting this dangerous narcissist full-fucking-force right out of the gate instead of fawning over every sexist, racist thing he Tweeted at 3am. This is YOUR fucking fault, along with the DNC that actually pushed you towards Trump per WikiLeaks. Hillary was always a weak candidate. You elitist fools should have recognized this and figured something else out instead of stacking the deck for her. Women don't support each other like you'd expect. And I also need to point out that y'all need to quick, fast, and in a hurry figure out some way to bring people together besides dead babies and gay sex. That's what I think of when I ponder what the Democratic party offers America, so it's really no wonder that you got beat again by Guns and Money. Cannabis reform NEEDS to be a pillar of the new Democratic party we'll build out of these smoldering ashes if you want any chance of winning in four years. You can quote me on that. So now what? No way does legalization go on unopposed by a Prohibitionist in exactly the right position of power to Prohibit. You're willfully blind if you think otherwise. Worst case scenario, all state cannabis programs get ramped down. I think there's too much already in place to accomplish this, and too much popularity for marijuana reform in general, but it's now a very real scenario we must consider. We can recover from their loss; we can go back to the way things were, only now the populace is armed with much, much more widely-available knowledge of how to grow and process cannabis medicine along with a plethora of professional experience.  If these idiots want to ratchet back up the disastrous domestic law enforcement policy known as the War on Drugs and fight a War on Terror at the same time, well guess what, y'all should have been concentrating on the War On-Line because cyber-terrorism and cyber-espionage is the next generation of terrorism and, in case you don't read the news, WE ARE LOSING. BADLY. TO CHINA. The border we really need to crack down on is the electronic one around our infrastructure, our professional and personal information (unless y'all think it's cool that hackers keep grabbing up hordes of government employee data), and the sanctity of our elections, for heaven's sake.  But sure, make sure y'all spend taxpayer money cracking down on harmless pot smokers like myself, before we boost the shit out of our local economies and create an entire new lane to wealth, the first glimmers of the American dream for a long, long time- you know, restoring that whole middle-class thing politicians love to yammer on about? Here's what you can do now:
  1. Assuming you live in a state and not the powerless District, you can call and write your senators to tell them you oppose the confirmation of Jeff Sessions to Attorney General. He's despicably racist, too, so no worries about giving up the fact you support cannabis.
  2. If you live in one of the fifteen states with funky rules regarding when your representatives in the moronic electoral college casts their ballots, you can put pressure on your electors to not vote for Trump. A few have already pledged not to. These states are Georgia, Arizona, Arkansas, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, and Virginia.
  3. If you live in the District or the DMV at all, please Like DCMJ on Facebook to stay informed. They are already hard at work planning several protest #SmokeSessions to demand he evolve on cannabis reform and the first is on Monday, 11/28. Stay informed and then PLEASE come out and protest. If you live here, you have the unique opportunity to fight for what you believe in. This is an All Hands on Deck situation. We need to show up in force, every time.
  4. Sign the petition to get rid of the Electoral College. I'm sick of my vote being out-weighed by white land-owners in Utah. Aren't you?
  5. If you're Hillary Clinton, then you need to look at the evidence presented by the computer scientists mentioned in this CNN report that the election results may have been tampered with and sue that sonuvabitch before Melania fills the White House with bugs for her Russian spymasters. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500"]Have you not seen a Fembot before? Have you not seen a Fembot before?[/caption] Sorry to have to ask more of you, but we need to fight back with everything we've got. You don't have to win. You just need to challenge and stymie his early administration's goals before they can get any traction.
  6. If you're President Obama, you can move cannabis from being a Schedule I drug before you leave office, pretty please. Then leave it to the incoming administration to repeal it and face the wrath of voters in the midterms.
  7. If you can, contribute to the protesters of the Dakota Access Pipeline. It's getting cold, folks, and they need blankets and such to continue fighting.
  8. Run for whatever local office you can get your hands on. The key, I feel, to withstanding this onslaught is bureaucracy. Jam the gears of Trump initiatives with so much paperwork that they run out of ink trying to requisition a pen.
  9. If you'd like to send me a death threat, consider killing yourself instead. I've been threatened ever since I started this stupid blog and I gave my last fuck this week when I signed know what? Fuck you, mouth-breather, you don't need to know my business.
I am preparing my own way of fighting back. You are absolutely wrong, Jeff Sessions, that good people don't smoke weed. But you're not wrong about me, in particular- I'm terrible. This is convenient, because I have no qualms with inundating the internet with so many crudely-Photoshopped images of the presumptive incoming Attorney General's face onto the bodies of slight Asian women getting railed by impossibly-hung black men that whenever someone hears the name Jeff Sessions, they will be compelled to ask "You mean that tiny, elderly Vietnamese hooker?" Vive la resistance! -GT [embed][/embed]