Street Lawyer Services has come up with the best gimmick the Gentleman has seen since I71 legalized cannabis possession and gifting in our favorite District. SLS is the marketing arm for Lonny Bramzon, a criminal defense attorney that serves DC, Maryland, and Virginia, but you might know him better as Lonny the Street Lawyer from the Klinger show on DC101. They've got a storefront in DC's hip H Street neighborhood (409 H St NE, to be exact) where you can buy vouchers for discounted legal services at Mr. Bramzon's law firm and accept an optional gift of weed for free.
Shopping at Street Lawyer Services DC
Street Lawyer Services' website is bright, sleek, and incredibly comprehensive. The About Us page is chock full of interviews Lonny Bramzon has done about his journey from defending clients against cannabis charges to owning one of the most prominent I-71 smoke shops in DC (including our chat!) The Culture page features some of Bramzon's own initiatives, like empowering & promoting women in the cannabis and creative spaces through SLS Women, or the Street Lawyer Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to transforming the lives of those affected by the War on Drugs through record-sealing and expungement.
The cannabis gift side of Street Lawyer's site is similarly impressive. Not only is there an up-to-date menu of all the weed and edibles they currently have available, but you can easily reserve your gifts online for in-store pick-up (or request delivery and SLS will bring your weed to you!) I also appreciate that they've come up with their own colorful art for each strain they offer, rather than copying Leafly's periodic table graphics that have become commonplace. In fact, you can buy some really freakin' cool strain shirts when the store is open, like this OG Kush one here.
Still hittin' them corners in them low-lows
What's on Street Lawyer's Menu?
Lonny Bramzon is excited to introduce the District to his own strain, SLS! Locally cultivated by Monsirotto, the genetics are a mystery at present, but you know the Gentleman is bound to crack that case. It's described as a bright, almost neon green with a lemon-lime aroma that smokes smoothly and produces an energizing, stimulating effect. I'll get my hands on some and report back!
Street Lawyer Services usually has around a dozen different cannabis flower strains to choose from, plus pre-rolled joints and plenty of GT-verified edible brands like Baghead Boys and MOTA. For this review, the Gentleman procured a batch of Cheesecake flowers from Street Lawyer Services The eye is immediately drawn to the thick layer of trichomes. Set against the deep green buds, they look like tiny, oh so smokable Christmas trees. This strain is gonna drop plenty kief down your grinder. Well done on the manicure job here. Density is similarly perfect, firm but easy to work with. A little dry, but that's nothing to get soggy about, as the overall bag appeal is fan-fucking-tastic.
Cheesecake has an enticing aroma that's half light cream, half Diesel-esque sour, with subtle floral notes. These hold strong in the smooth, clean smoke, leaving a light aftertaste after each pull. All those pretty crystals predictably create a smoke heavy enough to cause coughing if I take too big of a hit, so best enjoyed in smaller puffs. Overall, Street Lawyer's Cheesecake is superb marijuana. Color the Gentleman impressed.
Helpfully, Street Lawyer has provided strain info on their website. Cheesecake is an indica cross between the classic indica Blueberry and UK staple Cheese. That all checks out with me. A bowlful and my mind drifts out of this dimension to the plane of pure Thought theorized by ancient Greek philosophers, a place where the puzzles of life are sized, stacked, and sorted. I drift through this aether with the deft grace of a ballerina, a Wizard of Ways, effortlessly tying logistical threads into neat knots.
Music is the preferred accompaniment to heavy thinking, of course. I wouldn't recommend it for socializing unless your friends are rudimentary coconut dolls, cuz you'll be too far in your own head. But if you've been telling yourself you'll "figure x out later," then Now is the Time, and Cheesecake from Street Lawyer Services the Key. You must go, my Apprentice! The clones approach. Makes lightsaber noises til you leave.